Restlessness

I want to be wanted. I want to feel the warmth of people i love around me. But yet I crave loneliness. I don't understand this anger in me....why am I so restless? Why the itch to go looking for a fight? A fight against someone I love....thig urge to end a friendship violently. A gnawing feeling inside coaxing me to punch someone in the face...knuckle crunching against bone...blood everywhere. The queer satisfaction of shredding relationships to bits. The thought of knowing that i'll regret it later makes it even more satisfying.
I want to make my life miserable...and make others miserable too...hoping that others do...but if they don't, its only better because i know i'm alone in my misery.... that's even more delicious.
This urge to stand naked in a public place and scream obscenities...to wave my dick at people passing by...pee at them...wanting them to look at me in revulsion and contempt. But not in pity...I don't need anyone's goddamn pity.
This urge to crash a wedding and fuck the bride and kick the fucking groom in the crotch....and laugh like a madman at all the guests.
To enjoy running over a cat crossing the road...feeling its life getting crushed under the weight of the car.

I guess I'm just feeling extraordinarily ordinary today and i want to do something radically different...something liberating.