The Inner Wheel

Life seems to have come to a full circle. Through all the ups and downs over the last seven years or so a somewhat vague sense of fulfilment emerges. With the dust settling down, a calm pervades. Not the calm before the storm...a different calm...a more stoic calm. But then again nothing remains static and I am now in a position to understand this. And I'm prepared for it. Prepared for what? Of that I've got no fucking clue..but I'm ready for change and know not to make judgment of it. Take it as it comes.

What worries me is that I feel like an embankment..withstanding any waves crashing against me. I feel secure and it worries the shit out of me. I worry about the wave I won't be able to withstand. I want to feel insecure...I want to have my back up again...its the best chance for survival...the best chance to stay in control and not have circumstances control you. At some point of time in the future my back will be up again...I will be out of my comfort zone instinctinvely fighting for survival. What ampliflies my worry is that I don't know the reasons for this to happen.