Bleagh

I feel suicidal. Not in the literal sense of the word, but in the sense of destroying everything worthwile around you. Its self inflicted pain and torture, yet something you crave for once you're in the mood that mood. You know of the consequences and the reactions that stem from your actions, yet you insist on doing them.

I am not in the best possible situation and was coping quite well with it. But these past two days have been pretty taxing for me. Life feels like a quagmire of shit and I'm neck deep in it and sinking. I don't even feel like fighting it anymore. I feel useless and anything I do seems to be pointless in anycase, so why the fuck bother? I feel like a deflated balloon with no air in me.

This general air of depression, boredom and lack of achievement in my life leaves a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. All I want to do is curl up in bed and blankly play inane computer games till my eyes burn and I am forced to go to sleep. I was never like this and it shames me.

I guess this is what is called depression.