Pine Trees and Painted Swings

There are certain constants in life that sneak into your subconscious and stay imprinted.

In school there was this pine tree on the slopes of a hill that faced our main field...Top Field it is called. At the foot of this tree the structure of its roots formed this perfectly formed, natural seat. It provided the most snug fit possible for my rear...like as if it was made just for me. This used to be my go-to place for whatever reason. Whether I was lonely, upset or just felt the need to get away I went there, wrapped myself in the scent of the pine trees all around me and looked at the Kanchenjunga Range stretch out before me. In those moments, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world.

In these last five years, on the bus journey between college and the city when you cross the Trimulgherry Police Station and are on the ascent to crossover the railway tracks there is this cluster of cream-coloured buildings below on the left. In front of one of these buildings is a makeshift-swing in the form of a cane chair hung from a small tree. The swing is painted red. Every time I make the journey, my eyes inevitably drift towards the swing and it gives me a great sense of fulfilment for some odd reason.

I wonder if these small landmarks will remain if I ever make these journeys in the future?

Issues of a Not-So Tormented Soul

I feel like writing something...but it all seems to escape me for some reason.

Something Amma once told me keeps coming back to haunt me every once in a while. Actually no...'haunt' would be the wrong word to use. It surfaces as a curiosity of sorts. She told me "don't change...stay the Bobo that I knew at Saarang".

Have I changed all that much? It isn't a matter of insecurity..its more of an introspection. But I really don't have a say in the matter do I? Who am I to decide whether I have changed for the better or for worse.

But why does this keep springing to mind? I'm not a person who has ever paid much heed to other people's opinions on the nature of my personality. So why the wrangling?

I think it might just stem from guilt. Yup...guilt. I guess that at the back of my mind I feel that I distanced myself from Amma and the li'l gang of ours somehow just disintegrated...it did have all the makings of something nice. I always felt that Amma was hurt by what happened...and that I was responsible for it. My perennial folly of losing touch with people almost wilfully. My Achilles' heel.

That is if I am Achilles.

Or all this can just be a figment of my imagination. A balm for my ego. A salve that makes me believe that the world does revolve around me.

Yet a salve that manages to prick my conscience.

25 Things That I Think People Don't Know About Me

1. I am not a mean person. Although I love pretending to be one.
2. I never thought I was attention seeking till people pointed it out to me in college.
3. I believe I have very good taste in music.
4. I love being left completely alone.
5. I have a huge aversion to city life.
6. My dream was to join the army and die in battle.
7. I can't handle losing at anything.
8. I need a routined life otherwise I feel my life is going to the dogs.
9. I love to wallow in self pity and hate myself for it.
10. I pretend to be scared of snakes...I have absolutely no idea why!
11. I am very scared of watching horror movies and still close my eyes and mute the volume during the scary parts.
12. I am a complusive liar and lie about anything and everything.
13. I have a very morbid liking of watching a person bleed.
14. I have a terrible complex that I always suffer from halitosis.
15. Cats are about the only animals I am not fond of.
16. I love anything to do with cars but I detest rash drivers.
17. I daydream of having violent fist-fights with people I know.
18. I am always analysing situations and people...ALWAYS!
19. I believe I have terrible writing-skills.
20. I believe that obsessive love/stalking is the highest form of love.
21. I firmly believe in capital punishment and questionable methods in dealing with anti-social elements.
22. I think the colour pink on a man is horribly wrong.
23. I genuinely love drinking and everything alcohol related but am petrified of turning into an alcoholic.
24. I believe most people are smarter than me.
25. I dream of having a hugely successful rock concert with me as the lead singer. Something that will never happen...sigh.