Issues of a Not-So Tormented Soul

I feel like writing something...but it all seems to escape me for some reason.

Something Amma once told me keeps coming back to haunt me every once in a while. Actually no...'haunt' would be the wrong word to use. It surfaces as a curiosity of sorts. She told me "don't change...stay the Bobo that I knew at Saarang".

Have I changed all that much? It isn't a matter of insecurity..its more of an introspection. But I really don't have a say in the matter do I? Who am I to decide whether I have changed for the better or for worse.

But why does this keep springing to mind? I'm not a person who has ever paid much heed to other people's opinions on the nature of my personality. So why the wrangling?

I think it might just stem from guilt. Yup...guilt. I guess that at the back of my mind I feel that I distanced myself from Amma and the li'l gang of ours somehow just disintegrated...it did have all the makings of something nice. I always felt that Amma was hurt by what happened...and that I was responsible for it. My perennial folly of losing touch with people almost wilfully. My Achilles' heel.

That is if I am Achilles.

Or all this can just be a figment of my imagination. A balm for my ego. A salve that makes me believe that the world does revolve around me.

Yet a salve that manages to prick my conscience.