Right now the urgency for me to pee is immense and the bloody bathroom is occupied! Therefore, here I am trying desperately to distract myself from my state of immense discomfort..and I'm not sure its working too well.

I have completed my internship. I thought it was going great initially..but I think I may have missed a trick or two in my last week. Admittedly, overall I'm pretty pleased with what the impression I made. In ordinary circumstances, it would have been more than enough for me secure a job...but then again, the circumstances are far from the ordinary right now...so that leaves me pretty much hanging in the balance.

I'm so goddamn confused though. What the fuck am I to do? Where am I heading? Damn...here I was thinking that I had my head well above water...and now one internship has totally screwed my perceptions. I am really envious of the people who have got it figured out atleast to some extent...atleast of the fact that they have set themselves on course in a particular direction. Right now...I feel like a a paper boat drifting aimlessly in drain water...knowing that unless I figure things out soon...the only direction that I'll be heading in is DOWN.

Man..this was helping...till I felt a stab of urgency in my bladder...SHIT! If I have to take a positive from this...I guess my sphincter muscles are getting helluva lot of exercise. Sheesh...I'm such a loser.

Regret, Worries and the World Economy

Its been a long, long time since I wrote anything. A lot has happened since then. Right now I'm in the throes of a lot of self-inflicted anguish and mental turmoil. Admittedly, the world economy has something to do with it but in reality I think it stems more from regret.

My five years in law school dulled my edginess. While being great in many ways, it lulled me into a smug frame of mind where I was under the comfortable impression of being guaranteed a well-paying, secure job at the very least. I allowed this false sense of security to overwhelm me. Now that I'm facing a situation where I am a month away from my recruitments, knowing very well that in all probability I will not be getting the job I want and now it feels like I've been thrown in the deep end of the pool and have forgotten how to swim...and it sure feels like I'm drowning.

But honestly, the picture is not as bad as I've painted it. Which is all-the-more reason for me to regret the way I've become.

I have to stop worrying...its the one thing that has always worked for me in the past. It also happens to be the one fact that I have refused to acknowledge in times of uncertainty.

Sigh...I guess I have to accept these times of uncertainty minus the worry baggage that comes with it..the thought of it makes me want to cringe. Sigh.